We are in a moment when our fight-or-flight instincts are getting a workout! I’ll bet today alone you saw a reel, a post or a newscast that lit up your fear or anger. If so, you are definitely not alone.

A Pew Research Center survey of 3,445 U.S. adults conducted last September found that,

  • 85 percent said that politically motivated violence is increasing. This included nearly identical shares of Republicans and Republican leaners (86 percent) and Democrats and Democratic leaners (85 percent).
  • Just over half of Americans saw left-wing (53 percent) and right-wing (52 percent) extremism as major problems. Nearly as many (47 percent) said this is about extremism from “people without clear political views.”

These results remind me of a story I heard my friend Stew tell one time. The story goes that a grandfather sat with a young boy by the fire, and the elder man described a great battle between two wolves. In its rage and pain, one wolf responded with hatred. The other wolf responded with love, despite the rage and pain. The fight went on and on. Finally, the boy asked, “Grandfather, which wolf won?” And the grandfather answered, “Whichever wolf you feed.”

The wolves are a metaphor for what lives inside each of us. Hatred is a thing. It is something we are all prone to when we’re threatened and we feed our fear and pain. Whether you are on the Left or the Right, whether you watch FoxNews or NPR, whether you drive a Telsa or you use the bus, hatred is hatred.

So, what about the other wolf? Love is a loaded word, one that often gets confused with attachment, attraction, or possession. But real unconditional love is also a thing. It comes from the part of us that remembers to be grateful for the gazillion gifts in our lives. It’s that part that connects with other people and sees our common humanity. Love is a real thing. It’s not pansy, and it can win the fight within each of us – if we feed it.

We live in a moment in history when these hateful feelings take more and more of our time, energy, and peace of mind. Participating in society or our community can seem like a boxing match – the fight goes on.

It is easy enough to blame, make a stranger something other than a human, or turn something into a threat in your own mind. It’s easy to talk together with others and justify it to each other. But remember, this is all feeding the hateful wolf.

To me, hatred aimed toward anyone (including yourself) is not the wolf to feed. Hatred is hatred. If you are feeling it, nurturing it, prodding others about it, then you are growing more hate.

I challenge you to feed love consciously on the daily. Up to you. Up to me.

-Annie Davidson