Column: What constitutes domestic violence?

Domestic violence, as known as intimate partner violence, is an issue that touches every community. There were 265 reports of domestic violence in South Lake Tahoe, including domestic disturbance, domestic battery, and domestic assault from January 1, 2019, until October 9, 2020. There are many forms of abuse, besides physical assault, that constitute domestic violence.

Emotional or psychological abuse is the most common form of abuse and is commonly seen in the form of “gaslighting”. Gaslighting is when an abusive partner tries to make the other person doubt themselves. The victim will lose their sense of reality, self-worth, and perception of who they are. When gaslighting, the abuser will challenge the victim's mental state by manipulating, confusing, misleading conversations, or using lies and deceit to make the victim feel confused. The abuser will even subtly disagree or devalue what their partner says and feels, creating an atmosphere where the victim is always second-guessing themselves.

Verbal abuse can range from subtle insults in conversations to intentionally devastating or humiliating language directed toward the victim. Essentially, if a partner uses their words to cause harm deliberately, it can be considered verbal abuse. The keyword here is intent. We have all said something that we’ve regretted and wished we could take back, but what distinguishes human error from abuse is the intention behind it. An abuser’s intention is to cause harm with words. They do not feel regret afterward and do not think to themselves, “I wish I didn’t say

Sexual abuse is engaging in any type of sexual activity with a partner who has not or is not giving consent. Even in married or long-term relationships, consent cannot be assumed between partners. If a partner uses force, manipulation, coercion, threats, or drugs to make their partner engage in sexual activity with them, this is abuse.

Financial abuse is using finances to control a partner. An abuser will control how much money the victim is allowed to have or keep them from working to deepen their financial dependency on them. Using bank statements to keep tabs on their partners or forcing their partner to work and provide the income to the abuser creates financial dependency and makes it harder for the victim to leave.

Lastly, spiritual abuse could include demeaning a partner based on their beliefs, destroying or threatening to destroy important religious artifacts, or denying a partner from practicing or worshipping. It’s important to know that some abusive relationships may include only one or two forms of abuse, while other abusive relationships experience a complex mix of all forms of abuse. To learn more about the types of domestic violence and how you can help a victim in your life, go to www.oneconversationtahoe.org.

If you or someone you know is in immediate danger, call 911. At Live Violence Free, we offer a wide variety of confidential services that are free to those who are experiencing or have experienced domestic violence, sexual assault, or child abuse. If you or someone you know are in an unhealthy or domestic violence relationship, you are not alone. We have highly educated and compassionate advocates ready to provide resources and support for anyone in need of help or
looking for options and information. Our crisis line can be reached at 530-544-4444 and is available 24/7/365 for those in need of support. For individuals who can’t access our crisis line over the phone, we have a confidential messaging program located on our website where you can connect with an advocate through an online text chat. For a full list of services and programs we provide, please visit our website at www.liveviolencefree.org.